| A long hard day. |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|09:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The poems evil page - Rhapsody | ] |
Wow. I'm not even going to go into details here, but it has been a while sice an update. Life, honestly for me is going ok. Of course I am not sure how I will feel after the end of today. If I never experience a day like I did today I will be a happy man. I will not go into details, suffice to say my friend broke up with her man, and there was someone else involved. And I cant even begin to write whats in my head because it just... well.... im drained. I spent the majority of my day comforting my friend, who was very sad. Then I did a stupid thing which I honestly hope hasnt ruined my friendship with the other lady (You know who you are) and all I can say is that I'm sorry for any offence caused. And honestly, for some reason I dont feel any better putting this down, even the meagre details offered here seem too much. I think the next few days for me will involve comforting one friend, and praying that the other can forgive me. I did everything I could to try and prevent any hurts, but I fear that I failed.
Good Friday today was not so good. Lets hope the rest of Easter improves.. fast. |
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| Wow |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|07:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Horses - Jerry Seinfeld (I'm telling you for the last time) | ] |
I havent much to say today. I'm cold, tired but I'm happy. I have a few things on my mind, but alls fair in my wonderful head. Onto the good news: I have finished my coursework for JST, and despite being bored out of my brain I will confirm I learnt some things. I have gotten my old job back *finally* so I dont have to do more courses like this one and I am off benefit. I am still looing for work though, because I want to. Thanks to Ceri I have joined this funny little stick figure text based RPG online called The Kingdom of Loathing. God.... it's SO funny! I havent stopped laughing at it! So if anyone decided to join go here and have a look.
www.kingdomofloathing.com
Look me up, I am Jabbz. How original! ID number 436645.
Thats it. I'm boring. But you can get over it! |
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| Another update |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|12:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | New Born - Muse | ] |
Its weird. I now feel almost pressured to make an update.... dunno why but its all good. I dont have photos yet, but my friend and I went for a bushwalk up Hartz Mountain. Its not that long, we trekked around 7K or so in just over an hour and a half, the scenery is amazing. It was cold, windy and foggy, but worth it. It's a start to actually trying to lose some weigh, as... lets face it - I'm fat. So, I'll aim for 10KG, and then go from there. I expect lots of complaining to be made by me.... but maybe one day itll be worth it. I still feel that I'm gonna be a bachelor forever, and it's depressing thinking that, but it is. I think it's more realistic than most people think honestly, but thats just my opinion. Anyway, I have to do some things today (namely rest) but its been a nice day so far.
Ciao |
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| I'm my own grandfather! |
[Mar. 12th, 2005|03:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tomorrow and the next day - Something for Kate | ] |
Today was a nice pleasant day, although I got virtually no sleep last night. So now I am tired and I have a migraine/sore neck. Its a cold day today, it looked nice earlier but the black skies have come through and its spitting rain. I played a bit of Xbox this morning before my friend Dave came around and we just chatted for a bit. It's always good to chat to him, he makes me feel happy. So he stayed for a few hours and we had some hot chocolate and coffee. He left and I watched a disk of Futurama - that always makes me smile. Today is about me. In an effort to stay happy and smiling I am trying to just... relax... on this long weekend. Mum gets back tomorrow night, I miss her terribly. It's been too long without her here, and I'm going crazy. So the rest of the day I plan to cruise, perhaps chat to my friends - I almost feel like I have been neglecting some. And for that I apologise. I dont really ahve that much to say for now, so I shall sign off with a funny line from Futurama.
"I'm my own grandfather?!" |
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| Hit by a bus. |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|09:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | She - Live | ] |
Have you ever just thought that perhaps life is an anti-social entity? That perhaps life is there to kick you down? And while your down it'll just kick you a few more times? I feel like that now. And I dont have anyone to talk to atm. I just wish I knew what I was meant to do with myself. Do I just wander around aimlessly doing what I am doing and pretending that I can cope with things? Do I just pretend to smile while inside I seeth, rage and roar against myself? While my brain fights to tell me the truth that my heart denies? That someday, somehow I will eventually break through this crap? Right now I dot even trust myself to do anything at all. I had the thoughts again, and I dont like it. They came back to me and I fought them off, but who's to tell what will happen next time? Even now as I write this I cry... WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? I wish I knew what was going on, the feelings I could describe. Why am I writing this down? I dont know. Why is it back after it stole 2 years of my life, leading me like a stray puppy, demanding my soul and ruining my life. I feel like its only recently that I overcame the suicidal feeling, when in fact its been more than 4 years. And its back. And I dont know what to do. If I could only tell myself that it will be ok, that its part of life, that I'll get over it. I think I know I cant decieve myself anymore, it will consume me one day. I can see it coming. And I fear it. I fear when I drive, if the thoughts come back like today, whether or not perhaps something wil be different. Perhaps I will steer at the object insted of fighting myself and going straight. Perhaps I might even make a fool of myself again, allow myself to be hurt. At least I know I'm alive then. Pain means I'm alive. I wish I knew what was going on.
And for certain family members... please dont tell anyone ok? ;) You know who you are! :) |
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| I graduated!!!! |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|06:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Don't think of me - Dido | ] |
The University of Blogging
Presents to
Jabbz
An Honorary
Bachelor of
Color Bars
Majoring in
Emo
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|
Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com
Now I need some crayons! |
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| Warning! |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|06:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Above all - Rebecca St James | ] |
| UCAUTION | | IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP JABBZ AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES. |
From Go-Quiz.com
Good thing I dont smoke! |
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| The Jabbz Highway |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|06:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Above all - Rebecca St James | ] |
Hmmm.. not the best road to take.... |
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| Chocolate. Yummy! |
[Mar. 10th, 2005|06:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Above All - Rebecca St James | ] |
| Your Icecream Flavour is...Chocolate! |
 You are the all time favorite, chocolate! Turning white kids black since the 1800s. Staining carpets, car seats, and bed sheets for centuries. One thing is for sure, you will never go out of style. You can't go wrong with chocolate! |
What is your Icecream Flavour?
Find out at Go Quiz |
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jabbz's journal